09 December 2007

worst obituary ever?

bloggers and commenters over on the drudge retort ~link~ are discussing whether or not mr. evanick's obit is the worst obituary ever...

Robert Bruce Evanick

EVANICK Robert Bruce Evanick (always known as Bruce to those who loved him - and those who employed him and exploited his work ethic) -- died Tuesday afternoon, December 4th, 2007. A massive heart attack killed him - despite the heroic efforts of many physicians, surgeons and nurses - in a waiting area at Ochsner Hospital. He was not an inpatient there. He was there to provide company and comfort to Brenda, his wife, whom he loved and supported, in all ways, for 32 years. Her heart is broken. He died a horrendous death, on the floor of the waiting room, at Brenda's feet. To her, he was the most kind, most gentle, and most generous person she has ever known. His death should be a warning to all those who believe that they are being used by insensitive employers. He deserved better, both in life and death. Bruce had been seduced into a sedentary and high stress life style after he moved to New Orleans by the promise of "big money" from a corporate defense law firm. Essentially, his succumbing to that seduction and his devotion to duty caused his death. Of the many shareholders in the firm for which he labored, only one took the personal initiative to call Brenda to offer her personal condolences. Several colleagues believe that Brenda and Bruce were divorced. This is not true. They lived apart for several years but were in friendly communication, especially enjoying Sunday breakfasts together. His devoted secretary rushed to the hospital, along with the office manager, to comfort and assist Brenda. Debbie R. has been kind and helpful and is greatly saddened by Bruce's demise. Bruce was brilliantly intelligent, with an impressive knowledge of the law and many other disciplines. Bruce's encyclopedic knowledge of sterling silver -- including the most rare and sought after makers and patterns - put him far above the average collectors. He also knew textiles intimately, including old and new quilts, embroideries from ancient to modern, laces, silks, and all forms of the highest quality handwork in fabric and thread. His appreciation of textiles included loving the custom made shirts that Brenda designed and constructed for him. Bruce loved handmade rugs the best of all of the textiles. He was a connoisseur of the finest of hand woven rugs, both Asian and Middle Eastern. He appreciated exquisite fabrics from around the world and from every era. From his parents who were antique dealers he learned at an early age to discern the best in art and antiques of every sort. He knew porcelains, paintings, fine photography, jewelry, glassware, watches, bronzes and a myriad of other forms of the finest of decorative arts. His homes reflected his love of the beautiful and unique. His residence in Algiers Point was a house he selected because he said "I want to buy a house that is so beautiful that people will point at it". He achieved this, as he achieved so many of his personal goals. He loved and thoroughly enjoyed and knew gourmet food, superb Scotch and made the world's best chocolate chip cookies. He loved and was amazingly successful at seeking out treasures in yard sales and auctions. He shared those treasures unselfishly with Brenda and friends and colleagues. Bruce was awesomely knowledgeable in the law since it was the foremost of his passions. Close behind that fund of academic knowledge came his deep and profound knowledge of many sciences. Colleagues from his years as a notable attorney in York County Pennsylvania have said recently "Bruce was extremely intelligent and knew more law than most attorneys" and "the guy was just impossible to adequately describe". When people say "We're not going to see the likes of him again" it applies tenfold to him". Colleagues at the New Orleans firm have talked about his "ability to comprehend and converse" about the complicated scientific processes of the corporations he represented. They have said "he could talk on those Ph.D. levels on all issues of science." Bruce was born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He attended Scranton Preparatory School there. He went on to the University of Notre Dame where he graduated in 1971 then to Duquesne University where he received his law degree in 1974. Bruce was the very first law clerk employed in York County Pennsylvania in 1974. He clerked for all seven sitting judges at that time. It was at that time that he got the nickname "The Wizard". Later he became a full-time public defender there because, as he told Brenda, "I don't want to prosecute people". He became the chief Public Defender in the early 1980's and was in that position, serving indigent people with his impartial and powerful skills till he retired in 1996. Then he happily moved to New Orleans with Brenda and a retired racing Greyhound - both of whom he adored. While residing in York, PA, Bruce was very much involved in the care of a large collection of exotic birds that he and Brenda collected and kept and propagated. They received permission from the federal government to keep and attempt to propagate the crucially endangered Rothschilds Mynahs. Bruce and Brenda succeeded in raising four Rothschilds (Bali) Mynahs, hand-feeding them from the day they hatched in an incubator. They also raised hundreds of rare and delicate finches and softbilled birds and exhibited them all across the USA. They won many awards, including "Exhibitor of the Year" and "Outstanding Grassroots Activist" awards for supporting the captive breeding programs for rare and endangered species. They expanded that loving care into founding and operating a wild bird rescue agency that treated and released native wild birds that had been orphaned or injured. They released many hundreds of them back to the wild. That organization still flourishes and serves today in the care of dear friends of Bruce and Brenda. While still in Pennsylvania, Bruce became a successful gardener. He expanded that knowledge and skill in Louisiana. With Brenda he amassed a collection of rare orchids, ferns, ivies and bromeliads that comprise a lush garden at their Algiers Point home. Bruce had a fabulous goldfish pond built for Brenda as a birthday gift and it still sparkles and gurgles in their garden. Bruce's death leaves a huge void in the world. It is truly a sin and a shame that only one of his fellow shareholders were moved to personally console his widow. He loved her to his last breath and would have been deeply saddened by their cold attitude. Bruce is survived by two siblings from whom he was estranged. The firm will be holding a Memorial Service in their office sometime on Monday, December 10, 2007. It is not known if they would welcome people from outside the firm and the firms prestigious client list. Brenda will not attend. Bruce has been cremated and his remains will be placed in an exquisite wooden box which he loved and will remain with his grieving widow. From his birth on November 7, 1949 to his death on December 4, 2007 he was a most remarkable individual, unique and gifted in more ways than most humans. The world is diminished and made less interesting by his death. Bruce Evanick's obituary was composed, written, and submitted by Brenda Evanick. All thoughts, opinions and declarations in it are ENTIRELY hers and do not reflect input from any other persons, LIVING OR DEAD, other than those presented as quotations. Donations may be made in his name to: Louisiana Organ Procurement Agency (LOPA), 4441 North I-10 Service Road. Metairie LA 70006.
Published in The Times-Picayune on 12/9/2007.

yeah, thats an obit you dont see every day. we half expected it to end "he was buried face down so everyone could kiss his ass."

anyway, seeing that mr. evanick was from louisiana we looked up his louisiana state bar association membership and found out he was a shareholder in abbott, simses & kuchler and he was apparently the head of human resources there.